Tuesday, 10 January 2012


I like shiny things... Dress - Zara

Things are either about unbelievably exciting and scary and amazing...or I'm going to feel terribly deflated. I'm afraid that I might be pinning my hopes on this chance... But there is quite a small chance of it actually happening. I must think of a plan b!

On an aside, my previously mentioned heart ache is still there. I only ever seem to look for relationships where there is very little chance of it actually happening. Maybe thats it, I'm scared of actually getting into a real relationship because that would mean making myself very vulnerable and open to pain...but it also makes me open to love. An experience I am yet to have. Sure, I have felt strong feelings, heart retching feelings, feelings that keep me up at night, but never requited or never expressed. I am a romantic at heart (possibly read too many Jane Austin novels or watched too many Disney films) so am looking for that lighting bolt. That all encompassing feeling that knocks you off your feet. Maybe it doesnt exist? Or maybe it isn't that strong instantaneous feeling...

This year I am not looking for love. This year I am going to concentrate on me. I am going to do the things I love. If I am happy, just as me, then everything else is a bonus. If my Mr Darcy should like to make an appearance during this time, I will welcome him with an open heart.

Went for a little trip to Ol' Smoky recently, just took a few memories.

S x

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